outbreak...

Does anyone remember this movie?

I think I was in junior high when it came out.  What I mostly remember about it was being in the movie theater during the coughing scene and then being really freaked out that the other patrons in the theater were going to give me god knows what.

This brings me to the recent media frenzy over the swine flu.  I find it extremely annoying that our media causes such panic and alarm over the tiniest thing. When something bad actually does occur we are dont know whether to believe it because they are always crying wolf!  

It is frustrating that you never know when the threat is really elevated (since it always is) or when to relax.

The kids in my class are really scared over the swine flu.  A few a them are convinced they have it.  For now, I think we are safe.  ( I have promised them I will keep watch over their condition).  I guarantee it is paranoia from their parents and from watching the news.

I don't want to be a coward.  I know that the flu can be serious and we are in close proximity to an area which has confirmed cases of the disease, but all these news conferences and notes home to parents and freaking the kids out about hygiene they should already be doing anyway is making me tired.

My favorite comment about it today was from a boy in my class.  He came up to me this morning and told me he was worried another student was showing signs of diarrhea and that the news said this is a symptom of swine flu.  Of course the child who he was concerned about told me that she felt okay but ate candy for breakfast this morning because her Mom had to be at work early and her 5th grade brother told her to make breakfast herself.

At least they are always looking out for each other.  So I guess I can't complain really.

birthday countdown...

My birthday is next week.

I have mixed feelings about it.  I wish I could embrace my age and that it didn't make me feel bad.  But it does.  I hate aging.  I hate getting a year older.  I was one of the only kids growing up who dreaded turning a year older.  I didn't ever want to be twelve and three quarters. I never pushed to be that next  year old. Even when i turned 21 it wasn't a big deal or rite of passage. Being 17,18, 19, or 20 never really stopped me from having my way with booze. 

I wish I could grow younger, but I can't --- so shouldn't I  just accept it and get over it? 

Ryan tells me that he thinks it pisses people off who are older than me when I complain about my age.  Not that I care, their age is fine for them, it is me who doesn't want to be their age.

My Mom says it will change when I have children.  She said then I will just obsess over the fact that they are getting older before my very eyes.  

I have read into it and some people think that it may be because I have a fear that I don't feel that I have accomplished enough at my current age, or that I am afraid of the unknown.  I don't really know what it is, but I wish there was some pill I could take so that I would just forget about it.

I know that in reality age is just a number. It doesn't define me and my happiness, it won't actually prevent me from having fun or for pretending that I am 25 forever.   But, I look at people who are obviously aging and still pretending that they are younger, and sometimes I feel sorry for them.  What's annoying is:  that is going to be me!

I am at a real crossroads.  It sort of reminds me something I learned about in college lecture:  erickson's 8 stages of human development.

It is embarrassing to lie about your age, especially when people consider you to be young. I can't help but think I am going to be the age which I thought was old just a few years ago. 

Not to mention,  I can't even bring myself to type it right here on my blog which must be some sort of violation of trust.

I am going to get over this.  I don't care if it takes psychotherapy.  It is not like I have a choice. Like it or not, the clock is going to keep on ticking anyway.

(ryan i can almost hear you chanting benjamin button in your creep me out voice and i just laughed so hard that maggie came to see what was so funny only to find me laughing and blogging.  she is probably really weirded out right now.)

blah..g

i haven't been up to blogging much lately.  

i have been under tremendous amounts of stress.

my 16 year old niece had to move in with me.  it is a long drawn out story and frankly i am just sick and tired of talking about it.

....it's a girl!  she is 16 and about 100 pounds (i dont know how long she is but i would guess about 5'3")!

welcome to parenthood of a teenager!

boy is it complicated.

kissing cousins...

so i found out a few weeks ago that my husbands cousin was dating another cousin. what? are you freaking kidding me...is this really happening in the united states?

that is just gross and weird and on so many levels.

first of all, they met at a family reunion. i dont know about you, but that is the last place i am out looking for dates. i mean really. i have not even considered telling my few single friends remaining to test the waters of the family gene pool.

i can barely stand going to family reunions. they are boring. you have to awkwardly hang out with people who gush about how small you were when you were last forced together. and really, who wants to hang out with their crazy ass family? not me. my immediate family; i love (well most of them...okay some of them). i don't mind spending holidays with my brother and sister and mom and dad and in laws, but you throw in the rest of the mix and i need a valium.

but date one of them...better yet have sex with one of them? no and thank you. absolutely not. never. there is no way i am shacking up with one of those nutbags. i have one semi-cute cousin, but i remember when he used to pee the bed and his mom was worried he wouldn't grow out of it. kind of kills any crush if you ask me.

so this brings me to the next shocking news...they're pregnant. yes, the cousin got the other 2nd cousin pregnant. wow! the aunt thinks they need genetic testing. but they say that they are happy so who i am to judge really.

i guess there really is someone for everyone, i just am grateful that mine joined the family and wasn't already a member.

what is that going to be like if it doesn't work out? this seems like a case for jerry springer.

blogger hiatus...

I am sorry my friends...

I have been on a blogger hiatus.  After my vacation things just piled on top of each other and I had no time to blog.

I am going to update tonight.

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter!!!