Nervous...

Tomorrow is the big day. I have my gyno appt. And while most of you probably could care less about my lady parts, we all know I threw tact out the door months ago.

In light of tomorrow's appointment I have some grooming to tend to.

Honestly. I even made a list.

• Bleach armhair (check)

Don't judge. I think dark arm hair looks gross on me. I am pasty white enough, the illusion of super blonde hair gives the illusion of a tan. A tan I desperately need but can't sacrifice the fear of skin cancer or wrinkles.

Anyway, back to the list.

• Trim unmentionables (I can't very well go in looking all chia pet, or shall I say bushy)
• Shave my legs (you know, really shave them, not just the part people can't see and your husband doesn't care about in the heat of the moment)
• Re-paint toenails
• Write my list of questions
• Pick out a cute outfit, and respectable underwear
• Decide the ever important question...Socks or No Socks?

Am I the only one who does this?

Anyone? Anyone?

You think I would keep up with such grooming all the time. I mean a have a husband for petes sake who would probably appreciate such upkeep. I take care of my own, but there is a special grooming that I do for myself before I see the lady parts doctor, even if just for my own compulsiveness.

I don't even know why I freak myself out so much. I mean she sees va-jay-jays all day long, like she really cares about me or mine. It only takes a few minutes, she's in and out, etc.

I made a list of questions for tomorrow so I don't forget and babble about god knows what. My plan is to stay focused and calm. As calm as can be considering I am going to ask her about clearing the cobwebs off my fallopian tubes and ovaries so we can consider getting this babymaker up and running at some point in time.

Now that school is out and I have been away from the chaos that is 18 children demanding your attention I can consider bringing a child into my life. Thankfully I am going to talk to the doctor before going on vacation with my sister-in-laws and their broods of children. After a week with them I could very well change my mind. I see the tired looks in their eyes, the baby gear that even one child requires, the lack of sleep, and sometimes loss of control. Being a Mom is hard work. Don't get me wrong, I love and adore children. They are tiny blessings and so forth, but so is my clean house and sanity. I know in the end, it is all worth it.

Cabin Fever...

Yesterday we lost power for about 4 hours. I seriously thought I was going to die of boredom. Which lead me to believe I have been watching more television than I care to admit. I called Ryan at work and he told me to read a book or clean or something. Nothing on my to do list sounded fun.

I think I need to go on one of those vacations where you live off the grid for a while. I was hot, complaining, and the only thing I could think of was to sleep.

This cabin fever is starting to give me anxiety. I need a summer hobby before I become seriously agoraphobic.

I am going on vacation towards the end of this week with my in-laws. I hope it is enjoyable. I need a break from being bored.

religious creepy on a whole new level...

YIKES!

Oh. My. Goodness.

Have you seen these?

Who doesn't want a bathing suit with the tagline: "Highlights your face, not your body"?

This is hilarious. I would like to think that Jesus is not judging me based on what I wear to the lake or the pool or tubing on the river.

On the other hand, maybe I should consider these bathing suits to hide my cellulite. Why even stress about summer or an extra cupcake when these are just an internet click away.

I wouldn't be surprised if every order came with some complimentary holy water or bleach.

Maybe I will see someone wearing one of these while I am vacationing this summer. I won't point and laugh publicly, but I might get the church giggles.

it's that time again...

It is the time I dread all freakin' year long.

Seriously, I psyche myself out for this so bad I practically have panic attacks in the days leading up to it.

Have you guessed it?



It's time for my annual pelvic exam and pap smear (in which the word pap smear makes me gag a little)

Thankfully my awesome doctor has online scheduling.

Now the wait until my appointment time is confirmed.

summer-summer-summertime...time to sit back and unwind

I found this post in my drafts. It kind of made me sad to look at it. I wrote it before this whole wound ordeal began.

Oh, how the tide changes with one twist in the road.

Anyway, it was a preliminary list that I was working on to organize my activities this summer.

Things may have had a bit of a hiccup, but I still plan to do most if not all of these things.

List of things to I want to do this Summer

-canoeing on town lake

-take at least two sewing classes

-go to carlos and charlies

- enjoy a sunset at mansfield dam and/or mount bonnell

-go tubing on the river at least twice a month until school starts

-have a campout with friends (and just to be clear I don't mean actually camping in tents)

-stay on the riverwalk in san antonio

-read at least three new books (I am too embarrassed to tell you what I am currently reading because it is not literature in the least...let's just say it involves a celebrity's life story...a b-list celebrity...hey at least I'm reading!)

-visit my hometown and go to the beach

-stay up all night at least twice ( i really enjoy this) [mission accomplished on this one]

-a 30th unbirthday party to make up for my shitstorm of a month that was May 2009 ( and yes this will call for you to endure at least a few hours of karoke)

-go to the farmers market

-relax!!!

school's out for summer!!!

School finally ended on Wednesday...it was bittersweet. I had an awesome class this year. I couldn't help but get teary-eyed and sentimental telling them goodbye. I gave them some life lessons to remember. I reminded them to never give up, and to avoid the waiting place. I know too many people just hoping that something great will happen in their lives. I told them to make it happen, and I hope they do.

I spent all day Thursday cleaning up my classroom, storing things away. Oh how I wanted to just shove everything in a closet or two and call it a day. But I know that when the end of August rolls around I will want the summer to last a little longer and be glad that I spent the extra few hours to get everything meticulously organized.

It's funny how different things looked on the day before the first day of school compared to what it looks like the day after the last day.

The night before the first day:

The day after the last day:

I am so excited to start sleeping in!

wound is a weird word. WARNING! not for the weak...

	Okay...so here it is. "The wound" I feel like he should have a name or something..maybe I will call him Walter. Of course it is a 'he'; a real lady would never be this brash or cruel, or ugly. Please ignore the rash, it has gotten much worse and is the worst I have ever suffered from in my life. Trust me, I am not exaggerating by using the word suffer. It is an itch you can't scratch, which is a true test of patience. I hate having sensitive skin. The gray stuff is from the wound vac tape. After they clean my skin they put adhesive film over it that makes it tacky so that the tape will adhere to it. It is gummy, sticky and awful, and a real bitch to get off. I told Ryan this morning I may put this on ratemywound.com. In this picture Walter is about 7-8cm long, 1 1/2 cm wide and probably about 3 1/2 cm deep, maybe even more shallow. This picture looks a lot better than the one they took after my surgery. Once I figure out how to use our new scanner, I will post that one. It was taken with the Physical Therapy camera, I was too doped to think of using my camera phone at the time. So far I have had RECORD breaking healing. I am not kidding. Those physical therapists should have known better than to tell me I can't do something. I told them I would set records and they shouldn't have doubted me. I will be chilling by the pool well before they ever thought I would. I just know it. I am hoping my wound vac goes off soon and then Ryan will just be packing it at home and I will go to Physical Therapy a few times a week for debriedment, monitoring and dressing changes.

I'm Alive!!!

Hi guys!  So sorry for the lack of posting.  May is usually my favorite month, but this year it was the pits.  Any who, June has finally arrived and I am slowly getting back to normal.

Is it sick that I really want to post a picture of my wound?  I really do, but I must say it is extremely close to my butt crack.  Yeah, that's my luck, I had to have surgery on my ass.

Basically, on my birthday I caught some sort of stomach bug and while I was completely wiped out for about 4 days of horrible-ness I somehow won the lottery on getting a pilonidal cyst.  Which then I had opened and then noticed I was getting worse only to find out I developed a nasty infection that can be life threatening if you don't get it taken care of.  I actually had a "superbug".  Really, my surgeon used those words.  So I had emergency surgery (which should be another post entirely) because all of the tissue infected had to be removed before it spread.  In the hospital they treated me like I was handing out AIDS to people walking by, it was embarrassing.  My doctor said that I probably got the infection from school and that it is everywhere these days, lurking in corners.  I just had an open site for the bug to work it's way into.  But all in all, we aren't sure how I got so sick so fast.

The craziest part...my wound started out  9cm long, 1 and 1/2 cm wide and almost 5 cm deep.  That is like 2 inches deep into my body dug out.  I was on some serious morphine (oh how I miss you sometimes).  The day before I got out of the hospital I was in so much pain that I was shaking uncontrollably and could barely walk or stand.  It was so upsetting Ryan told me he almost fainted.

So I have a wound vac, which is basically a sponge that is in my body attached to a vacuum to control drainage (gross, I know).  I have to go to Physical Therapy wound care 3 times a week to have my dressings changed.  I am certainly the youngest person, which is interesting, and freaks me out a little.  My therapists are all really cool and we joke around a lot.  I can't drive myself to therapy because I have to basically O.D. on pain medicine so I am not a little bitch during my debridement and wound care.  It is a total pain having to ask people to drive me to the hospital 3 times a week and to leave school early.  I just hate making a fuss like that.  At least Ryan is legally obligated to take me according to our marriage license and the State of Texas. Christy is just an awesome friend who knows I have too much on her to upset me (just kidding you two, I know you take me because you love me).  My Mom absolutely could not handle it anymore.  In fact when she saw my surgical site the first time she screamed that it was the grossest thing she had ever seen in her life and then said "she is going to die, isn't she" in the saddest voice I have ever heard her say.  But thanks for the reinforcement Mom, really.  The doctor told her, "Of course she is going to live."

And she didn't lie, because I did...live that is.

So I am back at work wrapping up the school year (and by that I mean that my students are watching Toy Story as we speak while I post this..and packing up my classroom for the short 11 weeks until I have to unpack it again).

Thanks for the well wishes and sweet thoughts.  I have missed you.